Challenges

How do you strike a balance between what your mind wants to do and has decided on with playing smart? I don't know if you know what I mean, but I am referring to the game called politics. How do you play the game, survive, and not lose yourself in the process?

This is my current challenge.

As they say, as you climb the ladder, the stakes get higher as well. The playing field has been leveled-off and you're off to play a totally new game. What worked in the previous level (or in your previous circumstance/situation) may not necessarily apply or work in the new level that you're in. Take note, the players are tougher, stronger, even meaner.

As I've played the game, I've always trusted my instincts, kept my cool and did what I had to do to survive. But as I said, now that I'm on a different playing field, the rules have changed.

All of a sudden, I started second-guessing myself. I know what I am capable and incapable of doing, but this time, it's about stepping out of your comfort zone, taking risks. Sometimes, it seems as though I am thrown into a situation I know nothing of, not my area of responsibility, etc, etc. It's sink or swim, right? So I swam. I survived, thank God, but I was bruised all over. My survival depended on how I reacted to my stimuli, and manuevered my way around. It went well, but I didn't like the idea that I had no plan, no offensive move. I was not the one in control of the situation, but the situation took control of me. I reacted based on what was thrown at me and I didn't like that.

They say that you cannot control everything in your life. True. But I've always lived on this premise and I realized, sometimes, you can.

How much I try to be independent-minded, it dawned on me that when I am outside the confines of my home, others seem to dictate little things in my life (what to bring to a party, etc.). Still, in terms of big decisions, I am the master of my destiny not others.

I veered off topic.

All I'm trying to say is.. I am afraid I'm losing myself. And I'm fighting to keep it.

'til next time.